i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize