i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
