just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
