Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
