i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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