your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
