Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
