I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Randomize
