They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
