I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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