He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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