dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize