she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
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