i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
