ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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