dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
