I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
