I hate your face
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
