i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
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