Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
