dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
