So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
We named our party play list daddy issues
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
