Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
