I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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