I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
