I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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