tell your sister to shave her snatch
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now