i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
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Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
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He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.