I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit