Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.