I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
