he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
