just tell him i said nine months
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
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