I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
