Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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