your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
