I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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