the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
