Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
