We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
