I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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