You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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