It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
