I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
