i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I think i got beer on your cat.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
