the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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