you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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