i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
