So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
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His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
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He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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