I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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