I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
