i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Randomize
