i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
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