I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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