Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
