I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
