He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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