Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
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