marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Where is the hickey?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
