I don't usually arrange sex via text message
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
