I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
